whew

I'm sitting at home crying my eyes out. I have accepted my reality. I sold my house, I changed my last name but I still can't get my shit together. Last night was my 1st night as "Mrs. Bear" we made love for the 1st time with nothing in between us. I stopped taking birth control months ago and he didn't use a condom. I don't know what I was thinking. When he entered all 12 inches inside of me I damn screamed so loud, i am SURE the neighbors heard me. I tried to play the good girl 3role and wouldn't let him get any for the past month. I was in and out of the A working. I am taking a month off from work just to be with Bear. Honeymoon for 3 weeks all over the world andLa take a much needed vacation.

I have pushed the date of the wedding around so many times and it honestly was the spur of the moment.I called him last Friday and my immediate Family and told them we were getting married on July 5th 2010.

And Finally I can be honest on why I did it so soon. I think I'm pregnant... I know im being deceitful and this ain't no Maury shit. I have been off Birth Control for the past 2 months or so.I took a home pregnancy test and it was positive. Bear always uses condoms, but I told him I wanted to get pregnant right away. I'm not getting younger!!! We have no been having sex since i told him I wanted to get married on July 5. He didn't care! He never wanted a big wedding. But me being the diva had already invest over 10,000 on a wedding that I canceled 3 months ago.

Let me go back. Bear proposed on November 13, 2009. We broke up at the end of March, as my house was being closed on by someone else. I was lost and up until June I was sure we would never be together. I was with a few other guys but I never lost sight of the fact that I am in Love.

you heard me folks, I am in love with Bear. I can't live without out this nigga. As much as it hurts me to know this baby may not be his, I know It that he will raise it.

There is nothing better than being married to him. I invited my mommy and daddy, my ssister and brother, his mom and siblings and his boys and we had a wedding in the backyard of our new mansion. it was beautiful and I cried the whole time but now im left confused and hurt and praying. I really want a child but by my husband.

Last night Bear finally took his time, he entered me from the side and slowly stroked until he started touching my gspot with the top of his penis. I can't even count the number of times Bear and I have had sex, but the love we made as husband and wife was irreplacable. He touched my mind, body and soul. And he's all mine. He held me up on the dressor and licked every inch of my walls, my clit and my pussy. I am still amazed at how he took his time.

He left me for a few hours to do some work but now I can't sleep without him.