Monday, October 5, 2009

I've accepted the facts

Being with Bear the last couple of weeks has lead to a stronger connection between the two of use. I have learned things about him I had no clue i would ever find out. From his favorite movie to his love of Golf. I found out deep seceret that he never invisioned sharing with anyone. He became my rock in the midst of the flood that was going on! We have started to go in on a deeper level. But my reality is so clear now. He does have a woman he is engaged to. She lives in Boston and is a lawyer and apparently is the woman who got him out of his Federal case a couple of years ago. She has always been his ride or die.

Even though he always told me I fullfilled his sexual desires we never discussed anything more, I never spent time at his home and I never took it further than shopping,trips and late nights at strip clubs and my house. He was there to fullfill my needs but not my true wants in having a relationship. We have spent everyday together for almost 2 weeks and it has been great. Not 1 argument, not 1 disagreement. Pure happiness and then last night he broke it down to me. Not that I didn't already "know" he had someone but he never told me. He told me all about Erica. Erica was "the one" and they are getting married next June. I'm not going to lie and say I wasn't a tad bit shocked. I never pictured Bear as the marrying type. He was a good man but he had a lot of flaws and temptations including me. He told me that she lived between here and Boston and the two weeks I have been staying with him she just so happened to be working on a major trial there and wasn't coming back to Atlanta for another week or so.

He finally told me the truth. After a year of hotels and shopping sprees he finally told me the truth. My heart was semi crushed but I was happy for the truth. To my girls that had met him he was "my man" to his boys I was "lil mama". We had always been friends to them but they knew really what it was.

As I am typing this, my eyes have started to get heavy thinking about last night. I had just invited my homegirl over to give me head, I hadn't had the touch of a woman in weeks and while Bear was off attending to his work, I invited her over. Just as she was eating me out from the back Bear walks in. All 3 of us laughed and to my suprise she invited him to join us. We both went in on her and she was screaming so loud that I had to cover her face. Bear and I work so well as a team. lol When she left she said "when can I do this again" Bear grabbed me and said "My girl aint gonna have no more girlfriends anytime soon"

I looked and I got silent, for the 1st time ever in our "relationship" he called me his girl. He saw the puzzled look on my face and as my homegirl walked out he kissed me and said "fiancee or not, you will always be my girl" i got so uncomfortable and happy at the sametime, he really wanted to show me he cared. From the clothes he has bought me to those words, I really have started to get overwhelemed. I can not fall for Bear..

Until Next Time I am
SBF Atlanta

11 comments:

Te Te October 6, 2009 at 2:18 AM  

I've been a follower of ur blog 4 a minute and I've never commented, but now I finally have time for some input. All I have to say is plz dnt fall for Bear unless your ok with cumn 2nd ta another bitch. If ur not, which I knw no woman is, then you'll only be settin yaself up for heartbreak.

Te Te October 6, 2009 at 2:19 AM  

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myssmodelstar October 6, 2009 at 8:38 AM  

OH MY is all I can say lol. I definitly know that feeling of being with someone who is with another but you just cant let them go. let your heart & mind decide whats best for you.

Single Black Female in the A October 6, 2009 at 10:01 AM  

Thanks Ladies, I truly got some understanding when I wrote this! New blog coming about my convo with Bear last night after I wrote the blog! Ive been 2nd and 3rd and 4th to everyone in my life! Im tired of it!

youngmclayton October 6, 2009 at 10:50 AM  

Ok where do I start. First I have been following your blog for a min, and I must say I have to admit that sweetie *as long as their is another woman in the picture* you will always be second. You don't deserve that, you seem like a good woman who has got it together and it is only right that you have a man in your life that will always put you first. no matter how many gifts he buys you, or things that he does for you. He has a *Fiancee* and note he didn't give you that tittle. you are his *girl*. I'm not hating on him asa matter of fact I envy him. The fact that he has someone like you in his life, and he still puts you in the *girl* slot instead of *wifey* just kills me. *Makes me want to catch the next thing smoking to the A* Just remember a man will do anyhing to you that you allow him to. I know you got feelings for him, but I just have to call it like I see it. Just know and understand that their are thorough men *like myself* that would love to give you the things tha twould make you happy and put you first. So why should you settle for second place? When you can be first with someone that would really appreciate you! I wrote a post about several different types of relationships.. maybe it will help http://wp.me/pwkJD-1q !! Take Care!!!

Unbreakable October 6, 2009 at 11:05 AM  

I would have to agree with youngmclayton. For the most part, you will need a family one day and this dude wont be able to give you that. enjoy it while its hot, but when it gets cold you will be left out in the mids of winter. you need someone who will be there to hold you who your sure is yours.

All the best

Pana October 7, 2009 at 11:25 AM  

Ok all I can say is do what makes you happy. I tired to live and help others and they didn't care about how I felt or what I wanted.So live , life , love on your terms. Respect

Tawana October 13, 2009 at 10:07 AM  

I try not to judge, but I have for sure been there and done that. You say that one day you would like a a good man. Please please please be careful, because you def get what you put out in the world. If you wouldn't want the man that you have to cheat, why cheat WITH someone's man? I have done that before in my past. & I was wrong.Looking back, I feel bad for the woman ( who I did not know -that was his woman). I had to put myself in her place. True enough, if he didn't cheat with me it would be someone else. That still does not make it right. I am glad that's off my shoulders. What's funny is NOW they are broken up and this is 3+ years later he wants to be with me. Yuck. I would NEVER, he will just cheat on me too. Don't get me wrong there was def more than just sex, but oh well- see ya next lifetime.

These men out here do what they do simply -because we women let them (on BOTH ends the wife/woman and the side chick)

I don't want to be on here like some women going off and judging. You are a woman with feelings as I am. Just think about if what you are doing is worth it. I say if you continue- remove your feelings and get what you can get. If he is marrying someone ELSE, it's for a reason. He chose her and not you. That's the reality of it. Your getting the short end of the stick unless you just get the money and RUN girl.

Lex Boogie November 11, 2009 at 4:33 PM  

Hey girl ,first off lemme start off by saying .. wow.

Second off , why are you doing this to yourself again mama. While bear does make your heart skip beats, you are a smart cookie and know you will not be the main. Make the right choice babygirl.

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